Because something is said, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s heard. At least, not in the way you think it is. The apostle Peter uses the words ‘considerate’ and ‘respect’. Both are essential to the art of listening, which is essential to a good marriage. Unless you’re willing to consider what your spouse is saying and respect their thoughts and feelings, you’re heading for trouble. The reason many couples come to a point where they are contemplating divorce is that instead of having conversations, their interactions disintegrate into sermons and monologues. Counselling can help you learn how the other person expresses themselves. When you are focused on being right and getting ‘one-up’, there is no room for solutions to emerge. The key is to try and listen with an open heart rather than a closed mind; learning to be vulnerable and soft in order to come to the place of understanding, where negotiation can take place. Some couples write letters to express their feelings as they navigate their way back to better and deeper communication. Just as an artist waits for the perfect light to capture a subject on canvas, couples must learn the art of waiting to help reset their relationship back on course. This requires patience and dedication that are not always easy but very necessary. God’s timing offers us deeper healing than anything we can construct on our own. If you are considering divorce, be sure that you have exhausted every other option first. No matter how bad things may be between you, with God’s help, you can rebuild your marriage.
