Being accountable for yourself, your thoughts, and your actions is a very important part of being a contributing member in a relationship. But sometimes we take things too far by assuming an unhealthy responsibility for others, then using it as an excuse for not being accountable for ourselves and our own circumstances. For example, we blame an unplanned pregnancy for our failure to go to university. Or we blame our unhappiness on the fact that we stayed married for the sake of the children. We focus so much on other people and taking responsibility for their lives that we never take time to look for solutions to rise above our own situation. And eventually all the woe and hard times become our identity. We don’t just complain; we become chronic complainers. Let’s be honest, sometimes our tales of woe are simply excuses, made-up versions of the truth to hide the fact that we have decided to blame everyone else for our circumstances. That way we don’t have to take responsibility for our lives. The fact is, we all make choices in life; to go or stay, to confront or ignore, to complain or look for a solution. Whether it’s your spouse, your kids, or your parents, it’s never a good idea to take responsibility for others if you’re doing it to avoid deciding what you need to do for yourself. The Bible says, ‘Pay careful attention to your own work…then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct’ (vv. 4-5 NLT).
