The word commit means ‘to bind, or obligate, or pledge’. And for some of us, it might make us think of restraint, oppressed servants, and the loss of our freedom. In other words, it frightens us. If we’re the type of people who place a high value on our independence and self-sufficiency, that can mean we’re more reluctant to commit to a relationship that’ll need compromise and consideration of another person’s views (see Philippians 2:3-4). And that, in turn, could lead to a desire to keep the relationship fluid and flexible, so we can stay or leave whenever we want to. If the other person values commitment, the relationship is likely to become frustrating and stressful. So, what should you do if you’re reluctant to commit to a friendship, or any other type of relationship? Two things: 1) Be honest with yourself about your fears, feelings, and motivations. David said, ‘You want me to be completely truthful, so teach me wisdom’ (Psalm 51:6 NCV). Wisdom comes from being honest about what’s going on inside us. We might have past experiences of a hurtful relationship, or we might have witnessed others go through a toxic relationship, and we’re worried about getting trapped in one ourselves. These things can seriously affect our level of commitment and what we’re willing to invest in a friendship. 2) If you’ve been involved in a relationship that ended badly, think about what you could have done differently to produce a different outcome. It may only take a bit of an attitude adjustment to make the next relationship a positive experience. (That doesn’t mean we should work to repair a toxic or harmful relationship – there are times when we must walk away for our own safety and wellbeing.) Keep in mind these words from God: ‘Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing’ (Isaiah 43:18-19 NKJV).
