You might have come across the phrase ‘familiarity breeds contempt’. In other words, as you get to know someone and become closer to them, you’re also going to get closely acquainted with their personality quirks and irritating little habits. (Don’t forget it works both ways – they’ll get to know all of yours too.) It’s relatively easy to overlook in friends who you see for only a few hours a day. But what about your family? Chances are you could make quite a long list of things they do that drive you crazy. But you still love them, so it doesn’t really matter if you’re finding fault with them too, right? Well, not exactly…in his letter to the Corinthians, Paul goes into a fair bit of detail about what love is, and what it’s not. Love ‘does not dishonour others…it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs’ (NIVUK). Take a look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 for the whole list. The problem with letting yourself get irritated by others is that eventually you forget to notice all their good qualities. So, how to avoid this? Dig for the gold, not the dirt. Remember that ‘love is patient and kind’: two qualities you’ll need if you want to prefer the best over the worst in others. If ‘God is love’ and ‘love is patient and kind’, then the closer you get to God in your relationship, the more you’ll look like Him. And the more you look like Him, the easier you’ll find it to focus on the positives – the things you really love about them – and you’ll hardly notice the annoying bits.
What Now?
When a friend or family member irritates you, don’t fixate on it. Instead, sit down and write down 10 things you absolutely love about them.
